What is this feeling?

Tonight I attended a surprise birthday party for a good friend. I was thankful to be a part of it. If I can separate myself for just a moment I want to look one direction and say it was a wonderful evening. There were a bunch of great people getting together for a very good reason...to celebrate the life of a very special lady. Now, if I turn the other direction I have to confess that there was something else going on inside of me.


What was that feeling? Awkwardness? Isolation? I felt, I don't know...out of place somehow? Not sure I totally understand the feeling. While there were some people there that I was not familiar with, a good part of the group I know well and call my friends and a whole bunch of the others, I know on a casual level.

I caught up with people, engaged them in conversation, laughed with others. Hugs were plentiful as we greeted one another, and yet there was an aspect of me that felt almost shadow-like. There, but not really. Perhaps you are wondering what I was drinking that night. My choice drinks...water and de-caf coffee. It wasn't in the water, but I was experiencing it. Anyone else ever feel this way?

I am just processing the feelings. I find them very curious. Thoughts?