At Retreat's End

Yesterday I closed the door on a retreat I took alone for a week. These were my parting thoughts.

Today I leave this place, this retreat from the everyday. I am moving slowly, thoughtfully. Packing some, a little cleaning, reading, writing. The question looming in my mind still: What is it that happened here these last few days? What are the lessons learned? the wisdom gleaned? I sat down for a minute and picked up the book Answered Prayers: Love Letters from the Divine by Julia Cameron. I opened it randomly. The page I turned to said this:

"You have a sense of weariness. The world tires you. You hunger for renewal but seek to find it in sleep, not experience. You are too much with yourself. Come to me. Let me awake you gently. Let me show you the world through my eyes. I have seen everything, and I have seen it over and over, but I am not tired of this world. To me all things are new, all things are possible. You are not old. You are just being born. Your consciousness is just waking up to its potential.

Live with me. Commit to this life. It is an unfolding odyssey. You do not know the end of your journey. Each day holds new thoughts and new footfalls. Dare to have an adventurous heart. I do. I am the great adventure and I am available to you. Bring me your stagnant days and allow me to infuse them with freshness, with the flow of grace and ideas. I am brimming with life. I am a fountain of new thoughts and experiences. Allow me to rejuvenate you. Bring me your tired soul. I am the deep water your spirit craves. I am the well you long to drink from to slake your travel-weary thirst. Come to me tired and worn. Ask me to refresh your heart. Offer me your long day's journey. We are only starting, you and I."

I wept!

So I pack all this crazy stuff I brought along on the journey. I load the car. I travel home. I go to rehearsal tonight for worship on Sunday. I step back into the everyday. I look exactly the same as when I left, but inside, my heart is more willing to trust Him for who He has created me to be. I realize now that every time I second guess myself, I second guess my Creator. In that doubt I say to Him that He could not possibly have chosen well. I tell Him that I cannot live up to the gifts, the talents, the dreams He has planted in me. Why would I ever believe that He would separate Himself from those things? He did not make me and then toss me out to work it out on my own. He is the very life and breath of those gifts and we walk side by side, Him pointing to all the things I need to see. Him calling me to listen to the sounds of life all around me. Him reminding me to breathe in the beautiful fragrance of all He is...all He has given. If I may quote my own song title, I truly do "Dance with the Divine".