Yesterday I closed the door on a retreat I took alone for a week. These were my parting thoughts.
Today I leave this place, this retreat from the everyday. I am moving slowly, thoughtfully. Packing some, a little cleaning, reading, writing. The question looming in my mind still: What is it that happened here these last few days? What are the lessons learned? the wisdom gleaned? I sat down for a minute and picked up the book Answered Prayers: Love Letters from the Divine by Julia Cameron. I opened it randomly. The page I turned to said this:
"You have a sense of weariness. The world tires you. You hunger for renewal but seek to find it in sleep, not experience. You are too much with yourself. Come to me. Let me awake you gently. Let me show you the world through my eyes. I have seen everything, and I have seen it over and over, but I am not tired of this world. To me all things are new, all things are possible. You are not old. You are just being born. Your consciousness is just waking up to its potential.
Live with me. Commit to this life. It is an unfolding odyssey. You do not know the end of your journey. Each day holds new thoughts and new footfalls. Dare to have an adventurous heart. I do. I am the great adventure and I am available to you. Bring me your stagnant days and allow me to infuse them with freshness, with the flow of grace and ideas. I am brimming with life. I am a fountain of new thoughts and experiences. Allow me to rejuvenate you. Bring me your tired soul. I am the deep water your spirit craves. I am the well you long to drink from to slake your travel-weary thirst. Come to me tired and worn. Ask me to refresh your heart. Offer me your long day's journey. We are only starting, you and I."
I wept!
So I pack all this crazy stuff I brought along on the journey. I load the car. I travel home. I go to rehearsal tonight for worship on Sunday. I step back into the everyday. I look exactly the same as when I left, but inside, my heart is more willing to trust Him for who He has created me to be. I realize now that every time I second guess myself, I second guess my Creator. In that doubt I say to Him that He could not possibly have chosen well. I tell Him that I cannot live up to the gifts, the talents, the dreams He has planted in me. Why would I ever believe that He would separate Himself from those things? He did not make me and then toss me out to work it out on my own. He is the very life and breath of those gifts and we walk side by side, Him pointing to all the things I need to see. Him calling me to listen to the sounds of life all around me. Him reminding me to breathe in the beautiful fragrance of all He is...all He has given. If I may quote my own song title, I truly do "Dance with the Divine".
Friday, October 16, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Autumn...I Apologize!
An apology is in order. Autumn, I have always withheld my admiration for you. You are the thief that comes in and carries summer away. Sometimes you come in subtly and we are slow to notice the change. Other times you come over night with your cool wind and frosty bite, causing us to quickly bump up the thermostat.
I love summer! It makes me happy! Summer speaks to all my senses. My eyes are drawn to bright, beautiful gardens, boats floating on lakes, baby animals in every field and forest. Children's laughter fills the air as they play in the pools and run through the garden sprinklers. Birds and squirrels in the nearby trees shatter and chirp all day. Summer thunderstorms are a glorious concert of light and sound! How about that crack of the bat on the ball, in that great summer game of baseball. Can't you smell the fresh cut grass or the sweetness of the rose garden? Watermelon, fresh grown tomatoes and corn on the cob make the mouth water for the hot, steamy growing season. My body rejoices with summer and it's burden is light...no heavy sweaters or coats and sandaled feet that can breathe with ease. Summer helps me relax, as I float in the middle of the lake...just me, the water and the sky!
Autumn, with your gorgeous hues, you come and steal summer away. I have held that and one other thing against you. It's that day we call Halloween. I can't even say that I am not a fan of Halloween because my dislike of this so called holiday goes much deeper than that. But, October, it is not your fault and I shouldn't hold you accountable.
You are teaching me something this year aren't you, Fall? (I wonder why you are the only season that gets two names.) You are brilliantly beautiful, and though the breath of death is on the sidelines waiting its turn there is still so much life in you. If I listen, I hear the rustle of leaves as I walk on the path and the crisp snap of an acorn beneath my feet. The squirrels are frantic, swishing their bushy tails as they flit about gathering the bounty for their winter storehouses. As the summer flowers close their blooms to colder days, fall's mums burst forth with life, ready to withstand the cool, frosty nights. And who would have imagined that the tender little pansy could be so resilient as she adds her color to the autumn days. The hot days of summer wither her, but when the days become shorther, colder, she rises to the occasion.
The trees do their best work in autumn. Who would have thought there could be so many shades of red, yellow and orange. I hope that I am like them. I hope that as I grow older, beauty radiates from me and that I burn in glorious color...doing my best work yet. You've taught me something this year, Autumn. Winter comes soon enough, but for now it can hang out in the wings, blowing out it's frosty breath, waiting to make an appearance. I have some shining yet to do! Autumn, I apologize for not appreciating you. Thanks for the lesson!
I love summer! It makes me happy! Summer speaks to all my senses. My eyes are drawn to bright, beautiful gardens, boats floating on lakes, baby animals in every field and forest. Children's laughter fills the air as they play in the pools and run through the garden sprinklers. Birds and squirrels in the nearby trees shatter and chirp all day. Summer thunderstorms are a glorious concert of light and sound! How about that crack of the bat on the ball, in that great summer game of baseball. Can't you smell the fresh cut grass or the sweetness of the rose garden? Watermelon, fresh grown tomatoes and corn on the cob make the mouth water for the hot, steamy growing season. My body rejoices with summer and it's burden is light...no heavy sweaters or coats and sandaled feet that can breathe with ease. Summer helps me relax, as I float in the middle of the lake...just me, the water and the sky!
Autumn, with your gorgeous hues, you come and steal summer away. I have held that and one other thing against you. It's that day we call Halloween. I can't even say that I am not a fan of Halloween because my dislike of this so called holiday goes much deeper than that. But, October, it is not your fault and I shouldn't hold you accountable.
You are teaching me something this year aren't you, Fall? (I wonder why you are the only season that gets two names.) You are brilliantly beautiful, and though the breath of death is on the sidelines waiting its turn there is still so much life in you. If I listen, I hear the rustle of leaves as I walk on the path and the crisp snap of an acorn beneath my feet. The squirrels are frantic, swishing their bushy tails as they flit about gathering the bounty for their winter storehouses. As the summer flowers close their blooms to colder days, fall's mums burst forth with life, ready to withstand the cool, frosty nights. And who would have imagined that the tender little pansy could be so resilient as she adds her color to the autumn days. The hot days of summer wither her, but when the days become shorther, colder, she rises to the occasion.
The trees do their best work in autumn. Who would have thought there could be so many shades of red, yellow and orange. I hope that I am like them. I hope that as I grow older, beauty radiates from me and that I burn in glorious color...doing my best work yet. You've taught me something this year, Autumn. Winter comes soon enough, but for now it can hang out in the wings, blowing out it's frosty breath, waiting to make an appearance. I have some shining yet to do! Autumn, I apologize for not appreciating you. Thanks for the lesson!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Seeds
Autumn is harvest time. The majority of us don't harvest any crops. We may have a backyard garden which yields its fruit mid-summer and into the fall, but that isn't exactly harvesting. At any rate this harvest time of the year has got me thinking about seeds. Unless the seed is planted there will be nothing to gather at the end of growing season.
What happens, though, if the seed itself is not healthy. It doesn't produce a very good crop. Let's think about this together. A seed needs to germinate, to grow roots and to simultaneously grow a stalk that can push up to the surface toward the light. A damaged seed may not be able to become well rooted. It might grow roots, but not have enough energy to push upward toward the surface of the dirt above it. If it does manage both, perhaps it will wither soon after beginning to sprout. Let's say the seed is healthy enough to do all this pushing and shoving of dirt. It breaks the surface. It grows, but it hasn't enough stamina to bear any fruit for its labor.
There are all kinds of seeds that can get planted in our hearts. These tiny grains may be healthy, such as, truth, love, joy, or hope. They also can be kernels of doubt, anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment. These are unhealthy seeds. I am wondering what kind of fruit these latter seeds will produce, yet I find it interesting that most of us are so willing to fertilize these kernels. Perhaps it is subconscious effort, but still we allow ourselves to feed them until they become a large fruitless, thorny bush. I am wondering what would happen if we were willing to unearth the damaged grains, cast them aside and begin to water and nourish the good ones that are also there, but getting crowded out as the others grow into worthless weeds. What if we allowed the Son to cast His light on the small but healthy seeds of truth, love, and joy. What would the hope within look like if we allowed The Gardener to attend His crop?
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf." Hebrews 6:19
"Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns." Jeremiah 4: 5
What does the landscape of your heart look like today? Are you going to continue to do-it-yourself and feed those worthless seeds, that grow into briars and thorns or will you let The Gardener water and shine His light on the seeds He has planted there?
What happens, though, if the seed itself is not healthy. It doesn't produce a very good crop. Let's think about this together. A seed needs to germinate, to grow roots and to simultaneously grow a stalk that can push up to the surface toward the light. A damaged seed may not be able to become well rooted. It might grow roots, but not have enough energy to push upward toward the surface of the dirt above it. If it does manage both, perhaps it will wither soon after beginning to sprout. Let's say the seed is healthy enough to do all this pushing and shoving of dirt. It breaks the surface. It grows, but it hasn't enough stamina to bear any fruit for its labor.
There are all kinds of seeds that can get planted in our hearts. These tiny grains may be healthy, such as, truth, love, joy, or hope. They also can be kernels of doubt, anger, pain, bitterness, or resentment. These are unhealthy seeds. I am wondering what kind of fruit these latter seeds will produce, yet I find it interesting that most of us are so willing to fertilize these kernels. Perhaps it is subconscious effort, but still we allow ourselves to feed them until they become a large fruitless, thorny bush. I am wondering what would happen if we were willing to unearth the damaged grains, cast them aside and begin to water and nourish the good ones that are also there, but getting crowded out as the others grow into worthless weeds. What if we allowed the Son to cast His light on the small but healthy seeds of truth, love, and joy. What would the hope within look like if we allowed The Gardener to attend His crop?
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf." Hebrews 6:19
"Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns." Jeremiah 4: 5
What does the landscape of your heart look like today? Are you going to continue to do-it-yourself and feed those worthless seeds, that grow into briars and thorns or will you let The Gardener water and shine His light on the seeds He has planted there?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Solitude
I am on a retreat. I am alone. I have been on many a retreat, and some of those times I was the retreat organizer. I have to be very honest and tell you that when you are the organizer, it is NOT a retreat for you. I don't mind, though, because I love to help other people find space, refreshment, rejuvenation, or maybe just a place to get some much needed sleep. Being alone is not unusual for me either. Now that I have sent 4 children along their merry way into the grown-up world or should I say nearly grown-up world, I find myself alone a lot of the time. I don't mind that either. I am fond of the quiet, but quiet doesn't mean non-busy for me.
People often ask me what I do for a living. My response is that I do absolutely nothing for a living, but I never do absolutely nothing. I am one of the busiest unemployed people I know. I work, I just do it all for the fun of it. Okay, sometimes it isn't all that much fun, but I give my time, because I like to and because I can. Beyond my volunteer time, I am a homemaker, a wife, a mom to 4 grown children who do still require that I engage in their lives, a sister, and a daughter. I am a musician, a singer/songwriter, a pianist, a player of gigs, a student of piano and music theory, a worship leader, a worshiper, one who loves and pursues God, a student of the Word, a small group leader, a gardener, a scrapbooker, a paper crafter, an avid reader, a perpetual student, and a friend who loves spending time with those friends. I am often an event planner, I help put other volunteers in place, help plan worship services, a sometimes childbirth instructor, a sometimes labor coach (doula), a traveler, a photographer, etc. etc. etc. One who is very close to burnout!
I am on a retreat. I am alone. Solitude.
People often ask me what I do for a living. My response is that I do absolutely nothing for a living, but I never do absolutely nothing. I am one of the busiest unemployed people I know. I work, I just do it all for the fun of it. Okay, sometimes it isn't all that much fun, but I give my time, because I like to and because I can. Beyond my volunteer time, I am a homemaker, a wife, a mom to 4 grown children who do still require that I engage in their lives, a sister, and a daughter. I am a musician, a singer/songwriter, a pianist, a player of gigs, a student of piano and music theory, a worship leader, a worshiper, one who loves and pursues God, a student of the Word, a small group leader, a gardener, a scrapbooker, a paper crafter, an avid reader, a perpetual student, and a friend who loves spending time with those friends. I am often an event planner, I help put other volunteers in place, help plan worship services, a sometimes childbirth instructor, a sometimes labor coach (doula), a traveler, a photographer, etc. etc. etc. One who is very close to burnout!
I am on a retreat. I am alone. Solitude.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Bikes, Bridges and Songs
I am a songwriter. There I said it! I am working on believing it. There are certain things about songwriting that frustrate me to no end! A few weeks ago the angst of it totally outweighed the joy and I quit. Yep! I was completely done with this writing thing. The problem is I am compelled to write. God must have planted something in me that said, "Here is a little writing seed. Let's see how she will nuture it, feed it, water it and help it to grow!" Sometimes I want to say, "Really, God? Are you sure THIS seed wasn't meant for the next guy in line?"
And so I constantly work through this rollercoaster ride of writing. The day after I quit I went to a songwriter meeting. I write, I don't write. I lay it down, I pick it up. I quit, I start again! And so for the last few weeks I have been wrestling with this writer in me.
Four days after the big "I quit" I went for a long bike ride with my husband. The half-way point of our ride was at the center of a high bridge over the Missouri River. Here is where you need to know something about me. If I have a phobia, it is bridges. It only includes large bridges over somewhat large bodies of water. My fear isn't so strong that I would drive a hundred miles out of my way rather than cross the bridge, but I do have the same reoccuring thought each time I go over..."What if something happens and I go over the bridge and into the water?" This anxiety is twinned with the fact that I am also not a fan of heights. I'll do them, but I don't like it very much.
So the ride...We approach the bridge and I come to a full stop and step down off the pedals and just stare at the path that goes out over the bridge. I turn to my husband and say, "I am not sure I can do this!" He comforts me in saying, "We don't have to, you have already went farther than you ever have. It has been a good ride." I ponder his words for just a moment and I hop back on the bike, push hard on the pedals, compelling my bicycle and my heart to move forward across the bridge. I had gone farther than I ever had before, but there was just a little farther that I could go.
While riding toward the middle of that very high bridge over a large body of moving water, it occurred to me that it was a whole lot like songwriting. Something right dab in the middle of songwriting scares me. I'm not sure I can even define it. It could be the fear of critique, fear of failure, maybe it is a fear of succeeding. What I did know in that moment was this: I had come a long way, farther than I ever had before, but there was so much farther that I could go.
And so I constantly work through this rollercoaster ride of writing. The day after I quit I went to a songwriter meeting. I write, I don't write. I lay it down, I pick it up. I quit, I start again! And so for the last few weeks I have been wrestling with this writer in me.
Four days after the big "I quit" I went for a long bike ride with my husband. The half-way point of our ride was at the center of a high bridge over the Missouri River. Here is where you need to know something about me. If I have a phobia, it is bridges. It only includes large bridges over somewhat large bodies of water. My fear isn't so strong that I would drive a hundred miles out of my way rather than cross the bridge, but I do have the same reoccuring thought each time I go over..."What if something happens and I go over the bridge and into the water?" This anxiety is twinned with the fact that I am also not a fan of heights. I'll do them, but I don't like it very much.
So the ride...We approach the bridge and I come to a full stop and step down off the pedals and just stare at the path that goes out over the bridge. I turn to my husband and say, "I am not sure I can do this!" He comforts me in saying, "We don't have to, you have already went farther than you ever have. It has been a good ride." I ponder his words for just a moment and I hop back on the bike, push hard on the pedals, compelling my bicycle and my heart to move forward across the bridge. I had gone farther than I ever had before, but there was just a little farther that I could go.
While riding toward the middle of that very high bridge over a large body of moving water, it occurred to me that it was a whole lot like songwriting. Something right dab in the middle of songwriting scares me. I'm not sure I can even define it. It could be the fear of critique, fear of failure, maybe it is a fear of succeeding. What I did know in that moment was this: I had come a long way, farther than I ever had before, but there was so much farther that I could go.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Living in Relationship
I wrote the following blessing for a friend of mine. The prayer of St. Francis that it is based on is posted just before the blessing I wrote. It is meant as a blessing for marriage, I wonder, though, if we lived this out in all our relationships what kind of a place our immediate worlds would become. Consider it...
St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, makeus instruments of your peace.Where there is hatred, let us sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is discord, union; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy; O Divine Master, grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
St . Francis’ prayer, adapted below as a blessing for marriage: For my friend, Faith.
-When you are peaceful, Christ’s quiet peace comes to your home.
-A covering of love overshadows any hate that could rise up in your heart toward your spouse, something your spouse does or for others that touch your lives and affect your married life.
-When you hurt each other, and you will…forgive.
-When you don’t agree, and there will be those times, find places and things you both say “yes” to.
-When discouragement comes, as it does, remember to build each other up and remind one another of God’s faithfulness.
-When despair knocks at the door, remind each other of the One you believe in, the only Hope.
-When the dark night comes, light a candle together, recognizing that you are never alone. The Holy Spirit resides in each of you and in the midst of your marriage.
-When sorrow sits down at your table, and it comes uninvited, raise your glasses and toast to its counterpart, joy! Celebrate how much joy He is bringing you on this journey together.
-Be the first to console the other. Go out of your way to try to understand who God has created the other to be.
-Be competitive in loving the most.
-Give, give, give, and you will receive.
-Forgive and forgive again. You will be forgiven.
-Lay down your life for the other, in this your marriage draws its breath and strengthens its heartbeat.
St. Francis of Assisi
Lord, makeus instruments of your peace.Where there is hatred, let us sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is discord, union; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy; O Divine Master, grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
St . Francis’ prayer, adapted below as a blessing for marriage: For my friend, Faith.
-When you are peaceful, Christ’s quiet peace comes to your home.
-A covering of love overshadows any hate that could rise up in your heart toward your spouse, something your spouse does or for others that touch your lives and affect your married life.
-When you hurt each other, and you will…forgive.
-When you don’t agree, and there will be those times, find places and things you both say “yes” to.
-When discouragement comes, as it does, remember to build each other up and remind one another of God’s faithfulness.
-When despair knocks at the door, remind each other of the One you believe in, the only Hope.
-When the dark night comes, light a candle together, recognizing that you are never alone. The Holy Spirit resides in each of you and in the midst of your marriage.
-When sorrow sits down at your table, and it comes uninvited, raise your glasses and toast to its counterpart, joy! Celebrate how much joy He is bringing you on this journey together.
-Be the first to console the other. Go out of your way to try to understand who God has created the other to be.
-Be competitive in loving the most.
-Give, give, give, and you will receive.
-Forgive and forgive again. You will be forgiven.
-Lay down your life for the other, in this your marriage draws its breath and strengthens its heartbeat.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Hoping Doesn't Make it So
Really? Has it honestly been nearly three months since I've posted on this blog? I love blog writing, but I sure don't act like it! Makes me wonder what else I say I love, but don't behave in a way that would prove to anyone that I do!
Let's see...
I say I'd love to be thin. I'm not talking skinny. I'm just talking healthily thin, or just right. Okay, I'm at least working on one aspect of this. I have always thought that I was a pretty conscientious eater. I love my veggies. Lately I've been learning so much more about what eating well REALLY means. I'm eating cleaner, better, more healthily than perhaps I ever have. Not "just right" yet, but headed that way, hopefully.
I'd love to be toned and strong...Yeah? How many weights am I lifting? How many of those muscles am I using? Some. Somedays more than others. Enough to get me where I want to be? Probably not!
What about my heart? I'm talking physical heart in this case. My family has a history of heart disease. Perhaps it was their genes, or maybe their diet, their aerobic exercise or lack there of. I would guess a combination of all three with a heavy emphasis on the later two. What am I doing to make sure my heart is healthy? Eating better, yes! Working out? Some. (Trying not to be too hard on myself, I did ride my bike 16 miles last Saturday. Just gave myself a nice pat on the back!)
I love my friends and family. How much time am I investing in them?
I love to learn. How much time do I spend studying?
I'd love to be a better piano player. How much time do I spend at the keys?
I'd love to be a better songwriter. How much time do I give to honing that skill?
I love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! Wow! Do I act like I love Him with ALL my heart? ALL my soul? All my mind? and ALL my strength? I hope so. Hoping doesn't make it so, though. Above all else, may I be living in light of the following:
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly." Galations 2: 20 -21
Let's see...
I say I'd love to be thin. I'm not talking skinny. I'm just talking healthily thin, or just right. Okay, I'm at least working on one aspect of this. I have always thought that I was a pretty conscientious eater. I love my veggies. Lately I've been learning so much more about what eating well REALLY means. I'm eating cleaner, better, more healthily than perhaps I ever have. Not "just right" yet, but headed that way, hopefully.
I'd love to be toned and strong...Yeah? How many weights am I lifting? How many of those muscles am I using? Some. Somedays more than others. Enough to get me where I want to be? Probably not!
What about my heart? I'm talking physical heart in this case. My family has a history of heart disease. Perhaps it was their genes, or maybe their diet, their aerobic exercise or lack there of. I would guess a combination of all three with a heavy emphasis on the later two. What am I doing to make sure my heart is healthy? Eating better, yes! Working out? Some. (Trying not to be too hard on myself, I did ride my bike 16 miles last Saturday. Just gave myself a nice pat on the back!)
I love my friends and family. How much time am I investing in them?
I love to learn. How much time do I spend studying?
I'd love to be a better piano player. How much time do I spend at the keys?
I'd love to be a better songwriter. How much time do I give to honing that skill?
I love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! Wow! Do I act like I love Him with ALL my heart? ALL my soul? All my mind? and ALL my strength? I hope so. Hoping doesn't make it so, though. Above all else, may I be living in light of the following:
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly." Galations 2: 20 -21
Monday, June 22, 2009
Did you know?
Did you know that children ask 125 probing questions a day? Adults only ask 6. We have lost our sense of awe and adventure and traded it for apathy.
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Princess Indeed!
I find myself in the oddest circumstances sometimes…like this very moment. I am sitting in a hotel room, alone. It is a very nice hotel actually, the Westin. I am in a suburb of Chicago, but that isn’t so pertinent to the story. I have just come from several days at an arts conference where more than anything I was overwhelmed by God. I felt consumed by His grace, love and mercy toward me. I was undone by His hand on my life and His nudging to keep moving with Him and toward Him. I mention those things because I believe I have brought them all to this moment.
So I sit, alone, because my husband is playing golf with an old friend. I’m happy for him and I don’t mind being here by myself. The odd circumstance, though, is that it is a very nice hotel. I’m not sure I am made for this. It felt awkward when Emil helped me with my things in the car and brought them to my room. It was unsettling when he told me he would take care of the car and leave it out front for me as a special favor. It was uncomfortable when he showed me every little detail of the room, including the amazing shower. I knew I needed to tip him, but only grabbed a couple of dollars and as soon as the door shut I felt foolish, realizing it wasn’t enough. He was so kind, treated me like royalty and I threw pennies at him.
Now I realize the things that I really wanted in the room are in the car and Emil has the key. If I were in a Motel 6, I could walk out the door and get my stuff. I know how to navigate that scene. I’m sitting here in a white fluffy robe, well, because it was in the closet and I was a little chilly. I’m not sure how to wear “the robe” well. I’m just not used to being shown favor. I haven’t much training in the way of being a princess.
Where was it I said I had been the last few days? I was in the presence of the King and now I am reminded that as a child of that King, I am a princess. He has shown me His favor over and over again. I indeed have been given the status of royalty and have been taught and am still being shown what it looks like, feels like and means to be a princess. Sometimes I feel awkward when He helps me with my “things”, when I am called to expose the stuff in my life that holds me back from coming to Him. I’m uncomfortable as I squirm in His shower of grace over my sin. I am unsettled by His Holiness, as I am so unholy without Him and I know He is showing me special undeserved favor. I am a very poor princess for I haven’t anything, not even pennies, to bring to Him in gratitude, because all I could give He already owns. Anything I could give would never be enough.
One thing I am not, as I stand in the presence of the King as He extends His scepter toward me, is foolish. I understand the value of the gift and so I kneel, I receive, and I accept His favor. I am His child and that makes me a princess indeed.
So I sit, alone, because my husband is playing golf with an old friend. I’m happy for him and I don’t mind being here by myself. The odd circumstance, though, is that it is a very nice hotel. I’m not sure I am made for this. It felt awkward when Emil helped me with my things in the car and brought them to my room. It was unsettling when he told me he would take care of the car and leave it out front for me as a special favor. It was uncomfortable when he showed me every little detail of the room, including the amazing shower. I knew I needed to tip him, but only grabbed a couple of dollars and as soon as the door shut I felt foolish, realizing it wasn’t enough. He was so kind, treated me like royalty and I threw pennies at him.
Now I realize the things that I really wanted in the room are in the car and Emil has the key. If I were in a Motel 6, I could walk out the door and get my stuff. I know how to navigate that scene. I’m sitting here in a white fluffy robe, well, because it was in the closet and I was a little chilly. I’m not sure how to wear “the robe” well. I’m just not used to being shown favor. I haven’t much training in the way of being a princess.
Where was it I said I had been the last few days? I was in the presence of the King and now I am reminded that as a child of that King, I am a princess. He has shown me His favor over and over again. I indeed have been given the status of royalty and have been taught and am still being shown what it looks like, feels like and means to be a princess. Sometimes I feel awkward when He helps me with my “things”, when I am called to expose the stuff in my life that holds me back from coming to Him. I’m uncomfortable as I squirm in His shower of grace over my sin. I am unsettled by His Holiness, as I am so unholy without Him and I know He is showing me special undeserved favor. I am a very poor princess for I haven’t anything, not even pennies, to bring to Him in gratitude, because all I could give He already owns. Anything I could give would never be enough.
One thing I am not, as I stand in the presence of the King as He extends His scepter toward me, is foolish. I understand the value of the gift and so I kneel, I receive, and I accept His favor. I am His child and that makes me a princess indeed.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Whoa! Slow it Down!
My piano teacher told me today that I was playing like I was in a frenzy. He actually meant that I was not keeping a steady rhythm, that I would get tense and start speeding up. Frenzy was a fairly strong word for that, but I wonder if that is what I look like in general sometimes. When things in my life get tough do I have a tendency to tense up and then pick up the pace? Do I subconsciously think that if I start moving faster I can get through the issue quicker or perhaps even avoid it?
I'm convinced that those times in my life I need to do the exact opposite. I should step back, take several deep breaths, and "walk" very slowly, if not just stop and take a good look at the issue. How could I even begin to understand what is unfolding if I'm doing the 100 meter sprint right by it? What discernment I could gain if I took the time to take a hike around what's troubling me and scope it out from all sides. There's plenty of perspective to gain, but it takes shortening the stride, slowing the speed and of course being willing to yield.
I'm convinced that those times in my life I need to do the exact opposite. I should step back, take several deep breaths, and "walk" very slowly, if not just stop and take a good look at the issue. How could I even begin to understand what is unfolding if I'm doing the 100 meter sprint right by it? What discernment I could gain if I took the time to take a hike around what's troubling me and scope it out from all sides. There's plenty of perspective to gain, but it takes shortening the stride, slowing the speed and of course being willing to yield.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Sunday People
I am part of a team of people that helped to put services together each week for our church. For the majority of America the work week ends on Friday, but for my team the week ends at about noon on Sunday, right after the service. One member of the team often says she wishes that she could be one of the "Sunday People". Those are the people who have casual Sunday mornings. You might see them at the local coffee shop leisurely sipping coffee and reading the paper, out for a jog, maybe walking the dog. It appears they have nothing to do and plenty of time to do it in.
Those of us who work for the church (at least in the capacity we do) are having one the busiest times of the week in those same few hours. We are putting all the pieces in place that help the worship service to happen. The more I think about it, I realize I am too a Sunday person, and maybe even more so than the joggers and dog-walkers. I am all about what happens on Sunday or I wouldn't do what I do. So what does happen on Sunday in my world?
I go meet with a group of people who come together to corporately worship and learn more about their God and how to live to honor Him. I often play a role there as band member, singer, worship leader, encouraging volunteers, giving the welcome or announcements and various other things. It makes my morning busy, but I feel God has chosen this path for me and placed me where I am. It is a privilege, an honor to walk along side God's people there.
Sometime later on the Sunday afternoon I take a nap. I seriously consider this my Sabbath Rest. It helps me to have energy for the rest of my week. The rest of the day is given to things such as family or our small group, playing the piano or being creative. This particular Sunday we spent the evening with our small group over dinner, getting to know them better and finding out what is going on in their lives. They are a great bunch of people!
Sunday is a very good day! I am all about Sunday. I am a Sunday person. (Come to think of it, I believe I was born on a Sunday.)
Those of us who work for the church (at least in the capacity we do) are having one the busiest times of the week in those same few hours. We are putting all the pieces in place that help the worship service to happen. The more I think about it, I realize I am too a Sunday person, and maybe even more so than the joggers and dog-walkers. I am all about what happens on Sunday or I wouldn't do what I do. So what does happen on Sunday in my world?
I go meet with a group of people who come together to corporately worship and learn more about their God and how to live to honor Him. I often play a role there as band member, singer, worship leader, encouraging volunteers, giving the welcome or announcements and various other things. It makes my morning busy, but I feel God has chosen this path for me and placed me where I am. It is a privilege, an honor to walk along side God's people there.
Sometime later on the Sunday afternoon I take a nap. I seriously consider this my Sabbath Rest. It helps me to have energy for the rest of my week. The rest of the day is given to things such as family or our small group, playing the piano or being creative. This particular Sunday we spent the evening with our small group over dinner, getting to know them better and finding out what is going on in their lives. They are a great bunch of people!
Sunday is a very good day! I am all about Sunday. I am a Sunday person. (Come to think of it, I believe I was born on a Sunday.)
Friday, May 22, 2009
It's Quotable.....
Much thought has at its root a dissatisfaction with what is. Wanting is the urge for the next moment to contain what this moment does not. When there's wanting in the mind, that moment feels incomplete. Wanting is seeking elsewhere. Completeness is being right here.
--Stephen Levine
--Stephen Levine
And So I Write
This blog doesn't get much attention these days. My life is very full of activity. Most of it is good, but navigating all of it is difficult. I make parameters concerning what I will do and how I will choose to spend my time and yet those boundaries always get pushed against. Let's be honest here, I probably still have way too much on my list. Busyness helps me accomplish more. One could laugh at the obviousness of that statement, but for me there is a deeper meaning. I organize my time better when I am on the busy side. If I have tons of space in my days I can let the time slip by unaccounted for.
Don't get me wrong, I value quiet and space and I also make sure (most of the time) that I have built that into the schedule, too. The stress level decreases if I allow for some calm places, even if they are scheduled.
I was somewhat sidetracked about why I haven't been writing as much, but let's return to the blog, which was my intent in writing today. I enjoy writing it and I took it up for the purpose of doing just that, writing. I believe the more we write the greater opportunity to become a better writer. The truth is I want to be a better songwriter, but all writing helps our writing. Somewhere along the line, I have hoped that beyond my practice and discipline that readers would enjoy the blog. I suppose my initial hope should be that there would actually be readers and that perhaps they would comment.
The reader (and sometimes, listener) help you to know if your words make sense or if they have any impact whatsoever. Music alone can move someone and touch the emotions, but add a powerful lyric and you can speak deep to the heart and soul. I'd love to make a difference with my words. It would be great to have readers and listeners, but something inside me compels me to write and so my writing continues regardless.
Don't get me wrong, I value quiet and space and I also make sure (most of the time) that I have built that into the schedule, too. The stress level decreases if I allow for some calm places, even if they are scheduled.
I was somewhat sidetracked about why I haven't been writing as much, but let's return to the blog, which was my intent in writing today. I enjoy writing it and I took it up for the purpose of doing just that, writing. I believe the more we write the greater opportunity to become a better writer. The truth is I want to be a better songwriter, but all writing helps our writing. Somewhere along the line, I have hoped that beyond my practice and discipline that readers would enjoy the blog. I suppose my initial hope should be that there would actually be readers and that perhaps they would comment.
The reader (and sometimes, listener) help you to know if your words make sense or if they have any impact whatsoever. Music alone can move someone and touch the emotions, but add a powerful lyric and you can speak deep to the heart and soul. I'd love to make a difference with my words. It would be great to have readers and listeners, but something inside me compels me to write and so my writing continues regardless.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Who Wants to be a Winner?
Yesterday I was working in my garden. I couldn't help but overhear the children playing in the neighborhood. Three girls were riding their scooters up and down the street. It was friendly, little giggly-girls play, until the competition began. They started racing down the hill and around the cul-de-sac. Each time someone would shout out the rules and call the ready-set-go, they would take off! Occasionally one girl would take off and the other two wouldn't go. The one who was suppose to give the "Go!" would claim she didn't really say "Go!" she said some other word, like bologna. (Let's at least be creative. That doesn't even sound like "go".)
Eventually one girl stops riding, but is still heavy into competition in whole new way. She stands at the bottom of the gradually sloping hill and calls out the new orders. She gives direction to each rider. The racing continues, but the two riders have different paths to follow. In the end there is a loser and a winner. The loser is overwhelmed with the game, quits and sadly trudges home. It was an unfair race.
The one who gave the orders was the Queen of the Competition and she comes out the ultimate winner, or so she thinks. She was in control of the game! She had the power! I honestly could not identify a winner in this type of play. Everyone lost or at the very least came out a little more broken.
Why do we play like that? Childhood games, you say? A little healthy competition? I would contend that in all our sophisticated grown up ways we play the same kind of games. We want to win and we most certainly want the power. I am struggling to understand how it is healthy on any level.
I am not competitive by nature. When I partake in games for the most part I am just not that invested and don't care whether I win or lose. It is just a game, after all and doesn't affect the living out of the rest of my life, except perhaps to give me bragging rights, but who REALLY cares about that? If I am honest at the deepest level of my heart and soul, though, I want to "feel" like a winner. I want to have significance. There are probably games I play in my own mind at the very least about wanting to look like a winner. I am so very human, depraved at best. Oh, that I could live in light of these words. I am who I am because He has purposed it. No amount of game play will make me a winner.
Eventually one girl stops riding, but is still heavy into competition in whole new way. She stands at the bottom of the gradually sloping hill and calls out the new orders. She gives direction to each rider. The racing continues, but the two riders have different paths to follow. In the end there is a loser and a winner. The loser is overwhelmed with the game, quits and sadly trudges home. It was an unfair race.
The one who gave the orders was the Queen of the Competition and she comes out the ultimate winner, or so she thinks. She was in control of the game! She had the power! I honestly could not identify a winner in this type of play. Everyone lost or at the very least came out a little more broken.
Why do we play like that? Childhood games, you say? A little healthy competition? I would contend that in all our sophisticated grown up ways we play the same kind of games. We want to win and we most certainly want the power. I am struggling to understand how it is healthy on any level.
I am not competitive by nature. When I partake in games for the most part I am just not that invested and don't care whether I win or lose. It is just a game, after all and doesn't affect the living out of the rest of my life, except perhaps to give me bragging rights, but who REALLY cares about that? If I am honest at the deepest level of my heart and soul, though, I want to "feel" like a winner. I want to have significance. There are probably games I play in my own mind at the very least about wanting to look like a winner. I am so very human, depraved at best. Oh, that I could live in light of these words. I am who I am because He has purposed it. No amount of game play will make me a winner.
"Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him." Luke 18:8
He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:5
"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Romans 12:3
"Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Romans 13:14
"If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself." Galations 6:3
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phillipians 4:8
Sunday, May 3, 2009
It's Quotable.....
"God has given us two incredible things: absolutely awesome ability and freedom of choice. The tragedy is that, for the most part, many of us have refused them both."--Frank Donnelly
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Restless...
I have been restless lately, like I am just on the verge of....something. I've been here before and have found that God is usually at the heart of it. I keep scanning the horizon, but the problem is I don't know which direction to keep my eyes peeled. Maybe my ear needs to be to the ground instead. What is this restlessness? Am I to be watching, waiting, or stepping into it? Is He preparing me for change of some kind? Change, as we all know, can wear many faces. There may be signifigant loss in my future, maybe bright promise or even reward unfolding.
Reward? Now there is something I don't think of often. Heavenly reward for sure, but here on earth? I think more in terms of doing what He calls me to and often even having to press forward in that with effort because it can be difficult. No, a pat on the back, leading to change, isn't what I would naturally be watchful for in this restlessness.
Is there loss up ahead for me? Of course there is somewhere down the road, but what about just around the next bend. Will it turn my life as I know it upside-down? I don't want to linger too long on this path of thinking. I am aware that loss can happen anywhere at any time. That's enough.
But still, I feel like something is going to happen....I'm restless. So I wait and watch.
"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning..." Psalm 130:
Reward? Now there is something I don't think of often. Heavenly reward for sure, but here on earth? I think more in terms of doing what He calls me to and often even having to press forward in that with effort because it can be difficult. No, a pat on the back, leading to change, isn't what I would naturally be watchful for in this restlessness.
Is there loss up ahead for me? Of course there is somewhere down the road, but what about just around the next bend. Will it turn my life as I know it upside-down? I don't want to linger too long on this path of thinking. I am aware that loss can happen anywhere at any time. That's enough.
But still, I feel like something is going to happen....I'm restless. So I wait and watch.
"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning..." Psalm 130:
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Just thinking....
Today I caught myself missing Japan. I was only there 10 days last fall. How could I have possibly grown fond of a place that I have visited just once and very briefly at that. Perhaps the memories are so unique and vivid that my mind is only reminiscing. Maybe it is because that country stole a piece of my son's heart and with it mine.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It's Quotable.....
You and I were created for joy, and if we miss it, we miss the reason for our existence....If our joy is honest joy, it must somehow be congruous with human tragedy. This is the test of joy's integrity: is it compatible with pain?...Only the heart that hurts has a right to joy. --Lewis Smedes
Monday, April 13, 2009
Resistance to Redemption
This past week I was invited to be a part of something that took me back to a place of past pain...one of the hardest things I have ever walked through in my life. I believe that for the most part I've have worked through the hurt. I am on the other side of the situation now and don't think about it very much. That is why I was surprised by my body's reaction to being back in the place that represented all that I had been through. I was very grateful for the opportunity to sing there again, but I as sat waiting, my chest begin to tighten and it was hard to catch a breath. My heart was remembering. Why?
I don't have an answer, but I wonder what God is doing in it. Does He want me to remember the pain and what He brought me through? Is He reminding me of His faithfulness? Is He showing me that He determines my path, not man? Is He taking me back so the healing can be complete and final? Every remembrance feels like another piece of redemptive work. I am tempted to resist the pain as it surfaces again. I want to push it away quickly. Then I remember that He is doing something in me and I surrender once again to His lead.
I don't have an answer, but I wonder what God is doing in it. Does He want me to remember the pain and what He brought me through? Is He reminding me of His faithfulness? Is He showing me that He determines my path, not man? Is He taking me back so the healing can be complete and final? Every remembrance feels like another piece of redemptive work. I am tempted to resist the pain as it surfaces again. I want to push it away quickly. Then I remember that He is doing something in me and I surrender once again to His lead.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Amazing!
My faithful Father, Enduring Friend
Your tender mercy is like a river with no end
It overwhelms me covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees 'cause
Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me
Oh patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the author and the healer of my soul
What can I give You Lord
What can I say
I know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Cause Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me
It's deeper, It's wider, It's stronger, It's higher
It's deeper, It's wider, It's stronger, It's higher
Than anything my eyes can see
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my kness
Cause Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me
(Phillips, Craig & Dean)
I went to the mall yesterday. It was crazy with activity....Easter shopping. Everyone wants a new spring outfit to wear on Sunday morning. I wanted something new, too. I kept wondering though how much the truth was impacting those all around me. Do they know the story? Do they know what He has done for them? AND if they know it, does it amaze them anymore, or has it become just another holiday? an old stale, familiar story?
Sometimes the story is all too familiar to me, too, but yesterday I had Good Friday on my mind. I remembered that before the resurrection came the cross. I cannot for the life of me (and honestly, for the "life of me" is exactly the reason) figure out why God would do what He did.....for me......for me? It is this amazing thing that no human mind can begin to comprehend, so we make it something less than what it truly is. It is mercy outpoured. It's unconditional love. It is undeserved grace. It is forgiveness. It is AMAZING!
Please take a moment to follow the link below and watch:
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
On Writing, or Not
This could be the longest stretch of blog nothingness. If I have any followers, I apologize for the neglect. Honestly, I want to write, I just haven't. Yes, facebook is stealing some of that time. I'm not sure why I am letting it, though it is fun to check in with people, see their pictures and what is going on in their lives.
While I haven't been writing much here, I have been writing songs, and that is very good! I'm excited about it! I keep pressing on in that aspect of my life! I want to give myself a small pat on the back, because it is something I've purposed to do and I'm doing it. It is very time consuming, however, and I work on it on many different levels. There is the writing itself, and the re-writing and the re-writing and the re-writing.....but there is also piano lessons, practice, theory lessons, studying about writing, attending writer's groups, participating in venues to put the songs "out there", recording the songs (even simply), etc. You get the point. It takes time! Time well spent!
Writing here is important to me, too, however. I just have not acted like it lately!
While I haven't been writing much here, I have been writing songs, and that is very good! I'm excited about it! I keep pressing on in that aspect of my life! I want to give myself a small pat on the back, because it is something I've purposed to do and I'm doing it. It is very time consuming, however, and I work on it on many different levels. There is the writing itself, and the re-writing and the re-writing and the re-writing.....but there is also piano lessons, practice, theory lessons, studying about writing, attending writer's groups, participating in venues to put the songs "out there", recording the songs (even simply), etc. You get the point. It takes time! Time well spent!
Writing here is important to me, too, however. I just have not acted like it lately!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
All He Wants
"We may desire to bring to the Lord a perfect work. We would like to point, when our work is done, to the beautiful ripened grain, and bound-up sheaves, and yet the Lord frustrates our plans, shatters our purposes, lets us see the wreck of all our hopes, breaks the beautiful structure we thought we were building and catches us up in his arms and whispers to us, "It's not your work I wanted, but you." ---Source Unknown
Friday, March 20, 2009
Do What You Want to Do
I jumped into something new. Oh, it's not actually a new thing, just new for me......facebook. It has been fun, and I have connected with highschool friends and even long lost cousins. I think though that it is a time stealer. Remember I am the one who is constantly frustrated by not having enough time to do all the things I want to do. I succumbed to peer pressure. There is no other excuse. It has definitely crowded out blog writing time and I love writing this blog. One of my main goals here was simply to write. Each time I write I have the opportunity to become a better writer and my hope is that it would spill over into my songwriting. That can't happen if I don't spend time doing it.
One of my favorite sayings is: "You get done what you spend time doing!" That couldn't be more obvious or true, yet we often meander through our lives wondering why we aren't accomplishing anything. I think what we are really pondering is why we don't do the things we really want to. We let all kinds of things creep in and steal time. Some of them are urgent and we have to tend to them, others just quietly squeeze their way in and we hardly notice. We start to wonder where all our time is going and eventually when we stand back and take a good look we start to identify the time stealers. ( I am envisioning a spoof of a horror flick right now called "The Time Stealers!!" O-o-o-o...scary!)
Anyway, what am I going to do about it? One thing I have done this week is to set my alarm every single day. There are days when I don't have to be anywhere, I could sleep in, but if I get done what I spend time doing, then I better get up and do it.
One of my favorite sayings is: "You get done what you spend time doing!" That couldn't be more obvious or true, yet we often meander through our lives wondering why we aren't accomplishing anything. I think what we are really pondering is why we don't do the things we really want to. We let all kinds of things creep in and steal time. Some of them are urgent and we have to tend to them, others just quietly squeeze their way in and we hardly notice. We start to wonder where all our time is going and eventually when we stand back and take a good look we start to identify the time stealers. ( I am envisioning a spoof of a horror flick right now called "The Time Stealers!!" O-o-o-o...scary!)
Anyway, what am I going to do about it? One thing I have done this week is to set my alarm every single day. There are days when I don't have to be anywhere, I could sleep in, but if I get done what I spend time doing, then I better get up and do it.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Can't say it better....
The reason I call myself a Christian is not because I manage to subscribe, at any given moment, to all the truths that the hierarchy of my church insists I believe in; let alone because I am a good person or a good Catholic. I call myself a Christian because I believe that in a way I cannot fully understand, the force behind everything decided to prove itself benign by becoming us, and being with us. And as soon as people grasped what had happened, what was happening, the world changed for ever...
... And the world as it was - as it still is -was unable to tolerate this immense occasion; and so Jesus was executed and the life more in touch with divinity than any other life was ended abruptly, when it was still achingly young. The existence of such a life was both so wondrous that it changed everything; and also so terrifying it had to be snuffed out.
The point of this incarnation was surely not to construct a litany of offenses by which we are to judge our own lives at any moment, to force us to thrash and writhe in a constant ordeal of self-criticism and guilt. The point was merely to be with us; and by being with us, to show us better how to be human, how better to embrace our lives by accepting the divine around us and inside us. ----Andrew Sullivan
... And the world as it was - as it still is -was unable to tolerate this immense occasion; and so Jesus was executed and the life more in touch with divinity than any other life was ended abruptly, when it was still achingly young. The existence of such a life was both so wondrous that it changed everything; and also so terrifying it had to be snuffed out.
The point of this incarnation was surely not to construct a litany of offenses by which we are to judge our own lives at any moment, to force us to thrash and writhe in a constant ordeal of self-criticism and guilt. The point was merely to be with us; and by being with us, to show us better how to be human, how better to embrace our lives by accepting the divine around us and inside us. ----Andrew Sullivan
Sunday, March 8, 2009
It's Quotable.....
"People are always better than the stereotype we try to stuff them into."
--Lonni Pratt
--Lonni Pratt
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I Don't Like It!
Tonight I took a minute to run through blogs I follow. We all must be busy, because no one is posting very often. I throw myself in with that crowd. A few of you have even let your blogs run dry. Hm-m-m-m....are we just too busy or have we run out of words? I doubt our stream of thoughts has ceased and we have all become brain dead. I honesty love blog writing, so why have I been delinquent? It is the tyranny of the urgent I suppose. It is what it is, but I don't like it.
There is another thing that I don't like. Tonight I went to a songwriter's group. I tossed a song out there to be critiqued. I listened to the comments following the presenting of the song. They were good comments, some suggesting changes here and there. I don't mind the critique, it is a good thing. It gives fresh eyes and ears to something the writer is just a little too close to. What I don't like is my reluctance to change the song. It isn't because it doesn't need changing and not because it couldn't be a better song. It does and it could. I am just tired of that song already and I want to move on. I don't like that my tenacity has ebbed away. I don't know what to do with this attitude, but I know I don't like it.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Anyway
Ever think about why you actually do the things you do? There are a few things in my life that I occasionally sit back and just ponder.
Some of them have to do with relationships. Let's face it building into and with people can be difficult. It takes time, energy and patience. Honestly, sometimes it would be easier to walk away. Even if the tie is strong, people leave us and our hearts break with the parting. The separation may be due to a broken relationship, but could also be that our lives have taken different paths, or perhaps because of death. So why do I continue to do it? Well, because I've learned that loving people is worth it. It's hard and it can painful, but my life would be empty without them.
There are some other things I do though, that may not be as important, but I still am compelled to do them. Playing the piano (taking lessons) and writing songs are two examples of these for me. Why now? Why at this point in my life? To what end? The answers for me are not complete. They do however lead to another question...why not?
I hope there are areas in your life that you ask yourself the same thing. If you never stop to ask the questions, then maybe you are barreling through your life, letting it sort of come at you, reacting to it, but not really living it. Or maybe you've gotten stuck in the "why bother" mode. Don't do that! Live! Ponder! Ask questions! Live some more!
I've included a song lyric, that you may not have heard if you don't listen to country music. It would be a shame to miss it. I must confess that it does leave me with another question, though...why didn't I write it? Enjoy!
Anyway
(Martina McBride)
You can spend your whole life buildingSomething from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!
I sing
I dream
I love anyway
Monday, February 23, 2009
It's Quotable.....
"God has two dwellings: one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart."
Izaak Walton (1593 - 1683)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Can't Always Have What You Want
I discovered something yesterday that I didn't know existed and I fell in love! All the non-cat-lovers in the world are rolling their eyes at me right about now. That's fine, I don't expect you to understand. I hope you can at least appreciate the beauty of this creature. 
This is an ashera cat. It is part African Serval, part Asian Leopard and part domestic cat. Beyond his beauty and the fact that I love cats, I believe I am drawn to him because I've always thought it would be great to own a BIG cat. I'd really like to have a black leopard. I picture myself putting a harness on the cat and walking through the park with him. I could walk through even the deepest of woods, and I don't think anyone would bother me. Ashera's aren't quite that big, as their average weight is around 25 lbs., though they can be up to 40 pounds. I wouldn't really take him to the park. (On a side note, I actually tried to take my cat to the park once. That is another story, but not a very happy one. Best left for another day.)
Since discovering this magnificent feline, I've even entertained the thought of breeding them. What am I thinking? The truth is I will never even own one. Their selling price starts at $22,000 and goes upward to $165,00. I couldn't consider taking that kind of investment for a stroll on the local pathways. The labs and retrievers just wouldn't understand his incredible value.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Time Flies!
The other day I had the craziest thought. I started thinking that in 30 short years I would be my mother's age. That is scary! What happens to time anyway? If that wasn't enough, I then realized in the very same 30 years my youngest child will be my age. That feels ridiculous!
It is easy to do the math. I was born when my Mom was thirty and my youngest was born when I was the same age. That isn't the point, though. The last 30 years have flown by!!!! I believe it is true that the older you get the faster the clock ticks. That isn't fact of course, but it sure seems to be true. I've already experienced this phenomena. How quick will the next three decades go?
All that being said, I know that my life is in the hands of God alone. Who but He knows that my lifespan may be shorter than those next thirty years. He chooses the amount of days. I choose how I live them. Time is indeed slipping away. What will I do with it?
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Ps. 90:12 & 14
Friday, February 6, 2009
It's Quotable
"What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us....Worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason, the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself and the most portentous fact about any man in not what he may at any given time say or do, but what he in his deep heart convceives God to be like." --A.W.Tozer
If this is true, then I have to ask myself some pretty hard questions: What do I believe (and say) that God's character is like? How do I come to know Him? If I do not worship Him in the fullness of who He is, not just for what He does or has done, is my offering giving him the worth and love He deserves?
If this is true, then I have to ask myself some pretty hard questions: What do I believe (and say) that God's character is like? How do I come to know Him? If I do not worship Him in the fullness of who He is, not just for what He does or has done, is my offering giving him the worth and love He deserves?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I've been trying to....
I haven't written in a while. It isn't because I don't want to, it is just other things have been occupying my time. I've been spending a lot of time playing the piano....or trying to play the piano. I've been spending time writing songs....or trying to write songs. I've been going to meetings about writing songs. I've been trying to keep the house in order. I've been trying to clean up my scrapbook room. I let it fall apart over the holidays. It became the project room and catchall.
I've been trying to stay up on my job (okay, so it is volunteer work, but it still takes just as much time.) I've been trying to exercise more. NO! I have been exercising more. That is one of those things you either do or you don't do. AND it takes time....time I don't enjoy all that much. It's like medicine. You choke it down....you push through.
I've been trying to be hospitable by having people over more often. I guess my guests would have to answer for my hospitality, but I invited and they came. I enjoyed the time and I hope they did, too. I've been trying to organize several other events for people to get together for meetings or fellowship. Some of those will be here and some at other venues. It all takes time....
I suppose I could have tried harder to write in my blog. I would have had to choose this as how to use my time. I enjoy writing in it, it gives me an outlet to say what's own my heart and mind. Those two can run the spectrum of feeling and thought. Watch out, reader!
Well....I tried to write in my blog tonight and I succeeded. It is pretty much a crazy bunch of nothingness, yet it's written all the same.
Let me at least leave you with something to ponder. Tonight I ate a fortune cookie. My fortune said, "Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you." That is all fine and good, but I'm not waiting three months. Good things could happen to me tomorrow!!
BTW, if my kids are reading this: I ate my whole cookie before I read the fortune! :)
I've been trying to stay up on my job (okay, so it is volunteer work, but it still takes just as much time.) I've been trying to exercise more. NO! I have been exercising more. That is one of those things you either do or you don't do. AND it takes time....time I don't enjoy all that much. It's like medicine. You choke it down....you push through.
I've been trying to be hospitable by having people over more often. I guess my guests would have to answer for my hospitality, but I invited and they came. I enjoyed the time and I hope they did, too. I've been trying to organize several other events for people to get together for meetings or fellowship. Some of those will be here and some at other venues. It all takes time....
I suppose I could have tried harder to write in my blog. I would have had to choose this as how to use my time. I enjoy writing in it, it gives me an outlet to say what's own my heart and mind. Those two can run the spectrum of feeling and thought. Watch out, reader!
Well....I tried to write in my blog tonight and I succeeded. It is pretty much a crazy bunch of nothingness, yet it's written all the same.
Let me at least leave you with something to ponder. Tonight I ate a fortune cookie. My fortune said, "Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you." That is all fine and good, but I'm not waiting three months. Good things could happen to me tomorrow!!
BTW, if my kids are reading this: I ate my whole cookie before I read the fortune! :)
Monday, January 26, 2009
How Would You Answer?
The other night I met with my spiritual direction group. Are you wondering what that is? We meet once a month for the soul purpose of pursuing God. Our time together usually has some or all of the following elements: Reading of scripture, quietly or together, silence, reflection, sharing and praying. Occasionally we also include other poetic literature and a song or two. Last week in addition to scripture we reflected on the following questions. They were written by Dan Allender and sent out in a Mars Hill Grad School e-mail.
We are nearly a month into this new year, but before the memories of 2008 completely fade, take a look at these questions. What would your answers be? I'd love to hear from you. Post a comment, don't be shy!
Reflections on 2008:
What loss most surprised you?
Whose face brought you the greatest gift of God’s presence?
When did you let yourself laugh to the point of tears?
What small kindness touched you most this year?
What one unfinished desire will you take from 2008 into 2009?
We are nearly a month into this new year, but before the memories of 2008 completely fade, take a look at these questions. What would your answers be? I'd love to hear from you. Post a comment, don't be shy!
Reflections on 2008:
What loss most surprised you?
Whose face brought you the greatest gift of God’s presence?
When did you let yourself laugh to the point of tears?
What small kindness touched you most this year?
What one unfinished desire will you take from 2008 into 2009?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Spreading the Cheer!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Needing some space....
Today I gave myself space. That doesn't happen often enough. I had a morning meeting and then worked on cleaning one of the closets at church. (Part of my volunteer work.) I still have work to do there, but it looks a little better for now.
My husband invited me to join him for lunch and then to go purchase new tennis shoes. I know that sounds kind of strange, but I need some. I've been hitting the treadmill like a crazy woman and my shoes aren't giving the support I need. It doesn't really matter, though, because I turned him down. I'll get the shoes later, and if you are feeling bad for my husband, he's okay. We were eating dinner together AND I was even planning to cook tonight.
I also called my piano teacher and forfeited my piano lesson. I don't like missing a lesson when we can get one in, but I had something in mind that I wanted to do today. I was longing to work on my songs. That is the kind of stuff that can get squeezed out if you don't make it happen. So, shortly after lunch I packed up a couple of my notebooks, a rhyming dictionary, a thesaurus, and my Bible and headed for Bread Co. If I had stayed at home, it wouldn't have happened....too many distractions.
Bread Co makes for a wonderful writing venue. When the lunch crowd has left, I can stretch out in a booth without feeling guilty. They play instrumental jazz, which is perfect for one like myself who gets bemused by song lyrics (especially if you are trying to write your own). Unlike other coffee shops, you can continue to fill your cup the whole time you are sitting there. It's nice! One price, twenty cups......okay, I only had three.
So what did I do with my space? I made a commitment to myself to finish 5 particular songs I have started, and then I worked on 2 of those five. None are complete at this point, but writing is rewriting as they say!
My husband invited me to join him for lunch and then to go purchase new tennis shoes. I know that sounds kind of strange, but I need some. I've been hitting the treadmill like a crazy woman and my shoes aren't giving the support I need. It doesn't really matter, though, because I turned him down. I'll get the shoes later, and if you are feeling bad for my husband, he's okay. We were eating dinner together AND I was even planning to cook tonight.
I also called my piano teacher and forfeited my piano lesson. I don't like missing a lesson when we can get one in, but I had something in mind that I wanted to do today. I was longing to work on my songs. That is the kind of stuff that can get squeezed out if you don't make it happen. So, shortly after lunch I packed up a couple of my notebooks, a rhyming dictionary, a thesaurus, and my Bible and headed for Bread Co. If I had stayed at home, it wouldn't have happened....too many distractions.
Bread Co makes for a wonderful writing venue. When the lunch crowd has left, I can stretch out in a booth without feeling guilty. They play instrumental jazz, which is perfect for one like myself who gets bemused by song lyrics (especially if you are trying to write your own). Unlike other coffee shops, you can continue to fill your cup the whole time you are sitting there. It's nice! One price, twenty cups......okay, I only had three.
So what did I do with my space? I made a commitment to myself to finish 5 particular songs I have started, and then I worked on 2 of those five. None are complete at this point, but writing is rewriting as they say!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
It's Not Magic, It Just Makes Sense
I made a great discovery yesterday. I was cleaning, wiping down the stove, counters, etc. in the kitchen. We have one of the those smoothtop ranges. I love it for the most part. There are no drip-pans that need to be scrubbed and scoured due to the collection of crumbs or boiled-over pot crud. Pots do still boil over occasionally, though and sometimes leave a burnt-on film on the glass surface. One must be careful when cleaning the glass-top, because it can scratch easily. There is a product on the market usually including the word "magic" in the title for cleaning this type of range. It is a white, liguidy, chalky substance that you apply, leave on for a awhile, and then put some muscle into to get the job done. It works fairly-well, but often there is still some residue that just won't budge.
Yesterday I was using a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to wipe down the fridge, the dishwasher, the back of the stove, etc.. (Why is the word "magic" always included in these products?) I have used these before for wall marks and other things, and I think they really do include a little magic. I may be inclined to believe it more now than ever. I wiped it across the smoothtop surface, and those stubborn bits of burnt-on whatever just wiped right off like shaving cream under a razor! I was stunned! My immediate thought was, "You have got to be kidding me! All that white, chalky, scrubbing I have been doing for years and it could be this easy?" Who would have guessed?
Isn't this the way a lot of us live? Our lives are full of burnt-on residue. It could be a habit we can't seem to overcome or a job that doesn't satisfy for some reason, or perhaps many reasons. Is it a relationship that is not healthy, or a goal that hangs out there somewhere, just beyond our reach? Maybe it is your spiritual life....it's feels so flat and dry.
We keep trying the same things to remedy the situation and to finally get the rest of the layers of stuff off. It works, sort of, but not completely and we find ourselves giving up and not trying at all or scrubbing the same spot over and over with the same result.
We forget that there is more than one way to________________. You fill in the blank and remember this.......there might be a better way. Yes, Mr. Clean took me by surprise. It was an unexpected discovery, yet a discovery just the same. I didn't intend to try something new, but I saw the lesson to be learned. If whatever it is I am trying isn't working to make the change I desire or need, it is time to think outside the confines of my very small box and find another option. We can keep scrubbing the smoothtop with the same old formula and motion, receiving the same results, or we can find a new solution.
Yesterday I was using a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to wipe down the fridge, the dishwasher, the back of the stove, etc.. (Why is the word "magic" always included in these products?) I have used these before for wall marks and other things, and I think they really do include a little magic. I may be inclined to believe it more now than ever. I wiped it across the smoothtop surface, and those stubborn bits of burnt-on whatever just wiped right off like shaving cream under a razor! I was stunned! My immediate thought was, "You have got to be kidding me! All that white, chalky, scrubbing I have been doing for years and it could be this easy?" Who would have guessed?
Isn't this the way a lot of us live? Our lives are full of burnt-on residue. It could be a habit we can't seem to overcome or a job that doesn't satisfy for some reason, or perhaps many reasons. Is it a relationship that is not healthy, or a goal that hangs out there somewhere, just beyond our reach? Maybe it is your spiritual life....it's feels so flat and dry.
We keep trying the same things to remedy the situation and to finally get the rest of the layers of stuff off. It works, sort of, but not completely and we find ourselves giving up and not trying at all or scrubbing the same spot over and over with the same result.
We forget that there is more than one way to________________. You fill in the blank and remember this.......there might be a better way. Yes, Mr. Clean took me by surprise. It was an unexpected discovery, yet a discovery just the same. I didn't intend to try something new, but I saw the lesson to be learned. If whatever it is I am trying isn't working to make the change I desire or need, it is time to think outside the confines of my very small box and find another option. We can keep scrubbing the smoothtop with the same old formula and motion, receiving the same results, or we can find a new solution.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
What is man.....?
"Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God."
R. C. Sproul
Check out the "Awe Factor" video at
http://www.crazylovebook.com/
"The heavens proclaim the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19: 1-4
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Head Full
It has been a whirlwind of days. We did all the usual preparing for and celebrating of Christmas with family and friends. A daughter graduated from college, a son came home from studying abroad. We traveled back and forth across the state. My sister and her husband came for our traditional New Year's visit. During part of the time of preparation and celebrating I was sick, so it called for extra strength I didn't really have.
Now it is regroup time, but the decorations are still up and my energy is low. My youngest is ready to head back to college, and has the living and dining rooms filled with all his belongings. Since he studied abroad in the fall, and is moving into an apartment rather than a dorm, there is an overabundance of stuff. When I look at it combined with my own over-the-top Christmas decor I feel it is a good representation of what my head feels like right now. It is overwhelming!
New Year's resolutions? Who has time to think about that? I am longing for some space, some quiet, but I am not sure how to find it in the moment. Sorry to invite you inside this head. I wish I had something profound to say....I do not. Maybe when the mind is a little less congested.
Now it is regroup time, but the decorations are still up and my energy is low. My youngest is ready to head back to college, and has the living and dining rooms filled with all his belongings. Since he studied abroad in the fall, and is moving into an apartment rather than a dorm, there is an overabundance of stuff. When I look at it combined with my own over-the-top Christmas decor I feel it is a good representation of what my head feels like right now. It is overwhelming!
New Year's resolutions? Who has time to think about that? I am longing for some space, some quiet, but I am not sure how to find it in the moment. Sorry to invite you inside this head. I wish I had something profound to say....I do not. Maybe when the mind is a little less congested.
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