Restless...

I have been restless lately, like I am just on the verge of....something. I've been here before and have found that God is usually at the heart of it. I keep scanning the horizon, but the problem is I don't know which direction to keep my eyes peeled. Maybe my ear needs to be to the ground instead. What is this restlessness? Am I to be watching, waiting, or stepping into it? Is He preparing me for change of some kind? Change, as we all know, can wear many faces. There may be signifigant loss in my future, maybe bright promise or even reward unfolding.

Reward? Now there is something I don't think of often. Heavenly reward for sure, but here on earth? I think more in terms of doing what He calls me to and often even having to press forward in that with effort because it can be difficult. No, a pat on the back, leading to change, isn't what I would naturally be watchful for in this restlessness.

Is there loss up ahead for me? Of course there is somewhere down the road, but what about just around the next bend. Will it turn my life as I know it upside-down? I don't want to linger too long on this path of thinking. I am aware that loss can happen anywhere at any time. That's enough.

But still, I feel like something is going to happen....I'm restless. So I wait and watch.

"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning..." Psalm 130:

Just thinking....

Today I caught myself missing Japan. I was only there 10 days last fall. How could I have possibly grown fond of a place that I have visited just once and very briefly at that. Perhaps the memories are so unique and vivid that my mind is only reminiscing. Maybe it is because that country stole a piece of my son's heart and with it mine.

It's Quotable.....

You and I were created for joy, and if we miss it, we miss the reason for our existence....If our joy is honest joy, it must somehow be congruous with human tragedy. This is the test of joy's integrity: is it compatible with pain?...Only the heart that hurts has a right to joy. --Lewis Smedes

Resistance to Redemption

This past week I was invited to be a part of something that took me back to a place of past pain...one of the hardest things I have ever walked through in my life. I believe that for the most part I've have worked through the hurt. I am on the other side of the situation now and don't think about it very much. That is why I was surprised by my body's reaction to being back in the place that represented all that I had been through. I was very grateful for the opportunity to sing there again, but I as sat waiting, my chest begin to tighten and it was hard to catch a breath. My heart was remembering. Why?

I don't have an answer, but I wonder what God is doing in it. Does He want me to remember the pain and what He brought me through? Is He reminding me of His faithfulness? Is He showing me that He determines my path, not man? Is He taking me back so the healing can be complete and final? Every remembrance feels like another piece of redemptive work. I am tempted to resist the pain as it surfaces again. I want to push it away quickly. Then I remember that He is doing something in me and I surrender once again to His lead.

Amazing!

My faithful Father, Enduring Friend

Your tender mercy is like a river with no end

It overwhelms me covers my sin

Each time I come into Your presence

I stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees 'cause

Your grace still amazes me

Your grace still amazes me

Oh patient Savior, You make me whole

You are the author and the healer of my soul

What can I give You Lord

What can I say

I know there's no way to repay You

Only to offer You my praise

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees

Cause Your grace still amazes me

Your grace still amazes me

It's deeper, It's wider, It's stronger, It's higher

It's deeper, It's wider, It's stronger, It's higher

Than anything my eyes can see

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my kness

Cause Your grace still amazes me

Your grace still amazes me

(Phillips, Craig & Dean)

I went to the mall yesterday. It was crazy with activity....Easter shopping. Everyone wants a new spring outfit to wear on Sunday morning. I wanted something new, too. I kept wondering though how much the truth was impacting those all around me. Do they know the story? Do they know what He has done for them? AND if they know it, does it amaze them anymore, or has it become just another holiday? an old stale, familiar story?

Sometimes the story is all too familiar to me, too, but yesterday I had Good Friday on my mind. I remembered that before the resurrection came the cross. I cannot for the life of me (and honestly, for the "life of me" is exactly the reason) figure out why God would do what He did.....for me......for me? It is this amazing thing that no human mind can begin to comprehend, so we make it something less than what it truly is. It is mercy outpoured. It's unconditional love. It is undeserved grace. It is forgiveness. It is AMAZING!

Please take a moment to follow the link below and watch:

http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/26/Are-You-Amazed

On Writing, or Not

This could be the longest stretch of blog nothingness. If I have any followers, I apologize for the neglect. Honestly, I want to write, I just haven't. Yes, facebook is stealing some of that time. I'm not sure why I am letting it, though it is fun to check in with people, see their pictures and what is going on in their lives.

While I haven't been writing much here, I have been writing songs, and that is very good! I'm excited about it! I keep pressing on in that aspect of my life! I want to give myself a small pat on the back, because it is something I've purposed to do and I'm doing it. It is very time consuming, however, and I work on it on many different levels. There is the writing itself, and the re-writing and the re-writing and the re-writing.....but there is also piano lessons, practice, theory lessons, studying about writing, attending writer's groups, participating in venues to put the songs "out there", recording the songs (even simply), etc. You get the point. It takes time! Time well spent!

Writing here is important to me, too, however. I just have not acted like it lately!